Research shows that families need to discuss ageing concerns before crisis point

We all put off the inevitable discussion about ageing so as not to hurt anyone’s feelings.  No one wants to feel, or be referred to as old, especially not our parents.

Research carried out on behalf of McCarthy & Stone, the UK’s leading developer of retirement apartments; found that 4 out of 5 people with ageing parents are worried about them.  People’s biggest concern is parents’ declining or ill health. 40% have put off conversations about ageing and the future, and over 60% of children fear upsetting their parents with these difficult conversations.

Not really surprising statistics seeing that we are a nation who finds ageing and death difficult to discuss.

There is now an urgent need for more families to discuss their ageing concerns before reaching crisis point.  The study found that nearly 80% of over 50s are worried about their parents getting old, with 88% of these respondents saying declining or ill health is their biggest worry.  Yet over 40% have found themselves putting off having these ageing conversations with parents.

Upsetting parents was the reason that 60% of people said they avoided discussing the future with them, and it appears that this works both ways with parents fearing upsetting the children and not wanting them to think of them as old or becoming a burden.

It’s never going to be easy to find the delicate balance between respecting the decisions of ageing family members, while addressing the fears and guilt that adult children have.  To help, McCarthy & Stone have launched a new eBook for families, The Guide to Later Life – Practical Guidance & Tips, which aims to provide an introduction to many of the challenging issues in later life.
Keeping ageing family members fully involved in decision making and planning at an early stage, before illness or bereavement, makes finding workable solutions easier for all the family.

The Guide to Later Life includes contributions from a pool of experts, as well as people who have a personal experience of the issues themselves, from specialists in care, dementia and terminal illness, to former MP Edwina Currie who writes about her mother’s experience with downsizing.

Comments from the research study included difficulty trying to get parents to bring the subject up, their denial, parents not listening, finding it difficult to accept themselves, parents being too proud for these conversations, and a pressure felt in families to care for parents, especially when long distances are involved.  While the guide doesn’t provide all the answers, or cover every topic, its aim is to help more people and their families to open up and start tackling those ‘challenging conversations’ and includes some expert tips from how to kick off discussions from chartered psychologist, Sarah Rozenthuler. 
Chapters include: The five questions you should ask before moving into care; How to have a richer retirement; The truth about dementia; Creating a fulfilling life after loss and The best decision you’ll ever make.

Later life creates its own challenges and the better prepared we are the easier it will be for the whole family

Copies of the free eBook The Guide to Later Life can be downloaded online from McCarthy & Stone