I have two friends whose birthdays are very near to mine

They are both wives and mothers, and they both had really rubbish birthdays.  One of them hopes for a fabulous celebration every year, but never gets one, because her family don’t remember it.  My other friend got fed up with her family forgetting, and now just takes money out of their joint account, buys herself a few presents, tells her husband what they were, and that’s that.  He seems to think this is a perfectly acceptable way to deal with her birthday and her kids have grown up thinking that’s the way it is done.

When it comes to other people’s birthdays, both my friends make a big fuss – cakes, parties, presents – but come their big day not only do they get nothing, but everyone around them seems to think that’s okay.

Not so in my household.  I have no idea whether Fireman would forget my birthday because the poor boy isn’t given an opportunity to.  About a month beforehand, I start to make subtle comments like: “I’m really looking forward to my birthday next month!” as I ostentatiously block out child-free weekends in the diary.  I drop gentle hints about presents that I would like, mostly by stopping outside shop windows, pointing, and saying: “I’d really like that for my birthday” very loudly.

I also make sure that the kids are being trained in the right way.  Every time Fireman takes them out for an afternoon, I push them out the door with a cheery: “make sure you get me some fabulous presents while you’re there!” 

It is also clearly understood that I expect a surprise birthday tea, with a cake and candles and balloons.  Just like everyone else.

You may think that I’m sounding unapologetically high maintenance at this point, and you’d be right.  I’m not blaming my friends for having rubbish birthdays – their families really should be more thoughtful – but I do think women are very good at supressing their disappointment and giving the impression that it doesn’t really matter if they are forgotten.  It does matter, of course it does, and my friends are upset by it every year.  And I think it’s about time they said so.  We are far too good at putting ourselves last, and birthdays are the one time you are allowed to be the centre of attention.  

So if you are one of those people who doesn’t get any attention on your special day then it’s time to get princessy.  Demand it is remembered. Write reminders in his diary.  Pop a list of helpful present suggestions in his wallet.

As my heroine Miss Piggy was fond of saying “It’s all about MOI!”