In a recent study, 2,000 adults were asked for a list of things that made them feel like they had finally grown up
It made for a depressing read: having a mortgage, doing the washing up, going to the local rubbish dump and having a set of “best” crockery were amongst the terminally tedious items.
It’s the sort of list that makes me want to cry. In fact, it’s the sort of list that makes me want to do a moonie at the neighbours just to liven the place up a bit. If our childhood fun and freedom is in fact preparing us to be duller than a row of tents then I will sit in a corner and weep for the rest of my adult life. Are these really the hallmarks of maturity? Do our futures add up to no more than comfortable shoes and a pile of ironing?
These are not the signs of the fully-fledged. These are the signs of the utter dullard. Rather than a list of chores and possessions, the signs of having reached one’s maturity are a little more erudite and a good deal more fun. I’ve set out my list below. If you know these things to be true, pop round for a beer please dude. We ought to be friends.
We are actual proper grown-ups because:
- We never take ourselves seriously (mostly because no one else does either).
- When chocolate comes, resistance is futile.
- We don’t look fat in that dress. Or in those trousers. We look like who we are, and we are bloody lovely.
- If we do look fat, empire line is our friend.
- The answer to almost everything is wine.
- There is no such thing as “best crockery” because there’s no such thing as a “special occasion”. We get fancy every day, because we can.
- We can never have too many hand bags.
- Sex is funny – and the sooner we stop taking it seriously the more fun we have.
- We can never have too many pairs of shoes.
- We don’t sweat the small stuff (and have realised that it’s almost all small stuff).
- We no longer feel selfish doing something just because we want to. We’re allowed to be happy too.
- Did I mention wine? WINE.
- Dinner parties are ok, but who’s on the chairs is more important than what’s on the table.
- Also, life is too short to stuff a mushroom.
- When people ask us what we like to do, we have an honest answer (reading and writing, thanks for asking).
- Sometimes the only thing that can properly express how we feel is a long, spluttering string of profanities. This is not just acceptable but to be encouraged.